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Posted on May 15, 2013 in Personal Reflections | 3 comments

Letting Go Of Masculine Energy. Or: Unselling Myself

Letting Go Of Masculine Energy. Or: Unselling Myself

If you’ve met me, I would imagine that you wouldn’t describe me as particularly ‘macho’ or ‘manly’.  This is not a point of contention.  I surround myself socially with women, for the most part.  My interests are not particularly masculine (I like girly drinks, and WB shows and am not much into sports and so on), and I often feel out of  step when surrounded by mostly guys.

I’m beginning to realize that there is a ton of masculine energy shaping how society expects us to behave, especially when it comes to “work” and resources.

We are supposed to go out and get that client, or get on our grind or always be closing.  If you’re not hustling, you’re never gonna win. 

We have to rock our sales pages.  We need to get to #1 on Google.  We should network and build our connections.

Can you feel the “grrrr” energy connected to all of this? I certainly can.  When I set up Deeper Context the way I did, I felt a little unsettled by my sales language, but it seemed like the thing to do in order to grow my business and build a client base.   It hadn’t really occurred to me to think about it in terms of whether any of that language meshed with my own natural energy.

I’d been brainwashed by the popular assumption about how to build a business, how a freelancer is supposed to behave, where the energy should come from.

And I was wrong.

Because what I want to do isn’t to sell products, or generate revenue (not as a main goal, anyway), or even grow my business.

To me, those are clothes that don’t fit very well.  They are the same clothes that didn’t work for me as an employee of large, masculine companies.  Just ask my former bosses.

What I want isn’t any of that.

Those are not forces that nourish.

They are forces that break others down.

Those are not forces that leave room for everyone.

They are forces that must destroy the competition.

Those are not forces that are interested in what you have to say, and will sit quietly and listen.

They are forces desperate for your attention by any means necessary.

They are forces that mostly care about numbers. About SEO. About quarter-over-quarter growth. About bolding random sentences in the hopes that they stand out.

They are not forces that say “Yes, let’s try that and see what happens”

They are forces that say “Show me that this will be a success, using my values, before we try it. And still probably no.”

They are not conversational.

They are dictatorial.

These are not my values.

What I want isn’t any of that.

What I want is to connect. To grow and help others grow. To turn over a rock and see what might be hiding.

To help to awaken that giddy, childlike part of us that we cover over with “should” and “this is how it’s done” and “justify your time” and “but I need to”.

To find out what makes you tick.  Under all that stuff.

That’s what Deeper Context will be, when I learn to unsell myself. One part of a larger person, unconcerned with the masculine. At home.

We can get there, you and I. Together. One healing moment at a time. Just being.

 

 

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  • http://ideaschema.com/MEM Megan Elizabeth Morris

    I love all of this, though I might want to take issue with the “grr” feeling being labeled masculine rather than, perhaps, simply brutal. I don’t think “masculine” has a monopoly on this energy, but I certainly do understand your meaning over all. And adore it.

    Have you come across the “unselling” idea before, somewhere? Did you coin it? I’m fascinated by that way of putting it.

    • http://www.jeremymeyers.com/ Jeremy Meyers

      I’d be interested to hear about examples ‘brutal’ energy that comes from the feminine side, MEM.

      I’ve not come across ‘unselling’ before to my memory, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been used elsewhere. Google reveals that theres 20,000 results for it, but the first page seems to be “unsell things to sell them!” which is not what i’m talking about.

      • http://ideaschema.com/MEM Megan Elizabeth Morris

        Just because I can’t think of any brutal feminine examples doesn’t mean they don’t exist. :}

        I definitely like the unselling concept and think it could stand to be written about quite a lot.