I surrender self-improvement.
I surrender “fixing my life”
I surrender making small changes that add up.
I surrender figuring it out.
I surrender doing better and hoping it works.
Fine. I’m “so smart” and “things just naturally fall into place for me” and i’m “so lucky” and I’m a “sensitive person” and whatever else takes it all away from me.
Fine, I’ll stay out of your way.
I surrender so that you can make art.
I surrender so that you can figure yourself out.
I surrender so you can keep your image of me intact.
I surrender so let’s talk about you.
I surrender, so I’ll stay out of your way. Out of everyone’s way.
I will feel childish about feeling angry. I will feel embarrassed about being hurt. I will throw a tantrum, apparently.
I will find comfort in shame and victimhood and powerlessness and surrender and not in excitement and self-directedness and positive reinforcement.
I will be contemptuous of my flavor of brokenness.
I will accept my flavor of brokenness.
I will find it boring.
It will not solve things.
But maybe they’re beyond solution.
In digging through my storage unit over the holidays, I came across a VHS tape featuring a set of news stories from 1987 about a protest march in the NoHo area of NYC.
Residents were protesting the ‘invasion’ of crackheads and crack dealers into their once safe neighborhood. They ‘didnt feel safe’ and ‘these people should be locked up’ They demanded a larger police presence and the arrest of addicts and dealers alike.
Knowing what we know about the racial sources of the crack epidemic, I find this to be a severely depressing glimpse into the many ways that the powers that be manage to pit us against each other and ignore systemic oppression, as well as the state of race relations in NYC in the 1980s.
NoHo is now one of the most chic, sought after and expensive blocks in the whole city. I should know, I grew up there (and you can see me in some of the news footage as a kid on a bike). I remember very distinctly feeling quite ambivalent about the protest, as even back then I felt that addiction should be treated as a medical issue.
I hope this video is enlightening.
OK so there are 26 albums on my top of the year playlist, but just for you guys, i will narrow it down. Realizing a lot of my top music this year is sad white dudes. Guess that says nothing great about me (and also how behind i am on ‘albums to listen to 2014’ playlist)
As always, you can view/listen to/stalk my Top 10s from every year since 1999 right here on my blog.
Here’s my full spotify playlist including the ones that i enjoyed but didn’t make the cut for this list Jeremy’s Top Albums of 2014
In no particular order (and i no make no claim to super high quality descriptors):
Low Roar – 0 (Tonequake) – Just crazy gorgeous beautiful. Formerly Oakland-based Ryan Karazija of Audrye Sessions moves to Iceland and writes lovely haunting music about his new unfamiliar surroundings
Luluc – Passerby (Sub Pop) – Girl with a sultry voice, guy with a guitar. Sublime on vinyl.
Locust – After The Rain (Editions Mego)
Loscil – Sea Island (Kranky)
Phantogram – Voices (Universal/Republic) – Dark electro synthpoppy goodness in the Ladytron/Royksopp/School of Seven Bells (RIP) realm.
Alcest – Shelter (Prophecy Productions) – French black metal turned poppy shoegaze/post-rock band featuring Neil Halstead and Amiina from Sigur Ros
Asteroids Galaxy Tour – Bring us Together (Hot Bus Records) – Big Beat is back? RIYL the last Daft Punk album, I guess.
Ben Howard – I Forget Where We Were (Island) – Melancholy british white dude music.
Elizabeth and the Catapult – Like it Never Happened (Scratchback Records / Self-released)
Emerson Hart – Beauty in Disrepair (BMG) – Hooky mainstream pop/rock which kind of reminds me of the late great Will Owsley. Yes, the lead dude from Tonic.
White Sea – In Cold Blood (Vocalist from M83’s album is better than his latest)
Otto Totland – Pino (Sonic Pieces) – Anyone who enjoys Nils Frahm and the Erased Tapes crew will find this piano solo stuff divine. Also probably fans of ECM will like it, too.
S. Carey – Range of Light (Jagjaguwar) – Cinematic and gorgeous indietronica/jazz/americana inspired by the southwest
“Life is a garden, not a road. We enter and exit through the same gate. Wandering, where we go matters less than what we notice.” -Kurt Vonnegut
The trick with paths is not to think of them as places that you aren’t on. Or at least, not to think of yourself as ‘not on any path’, and have that be a ‘bad thing’.
No matter what, you are on a path.
Remember, you give yourself more freedom when you are okay with where you are than when you feel like you need to be anywhere in particular.
In no particular order. So many this year!
As A Spotify Playlist »
If I had to pick 10, they’d be Midlake, Rachel Zeffira, Savages, Emika, Jon Hopkins, Janelle Monae, Disclosure, Rhian Sheehan, Locust and Minilogue
Rock and Metal
- Midlake – Antiphon [Bella Union] By far my favorite rock/psych record of the year
- Palms – Palms [Ipecac] – My annual guilty “Sounds like Filter/Deftones/Alt-Metal” choice, with the added bonus of it being made up of members of ISIS with Chino Moreno on vocals
- Device – Device [Warner] (Dave Draiman from Disturbed and Geno from Filter do nu-metal)
- Bring Me The Horizon – Sempternal [Sony/Epitaph] – Yes i know their last record made them kind of a joke, but I’m really digging this one.
- Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Specter at the Feast [Abstract Dragon/Vagrant] – Their best in awhile
- Mogwai – Les Revenants [Sub Pop] – I’ve never been a huge fan of these guys, but this album may have turned me around
Pop and Folk
- Rachel Zeffira – The Deserters [Paper Bag Records] – Lovely Tori-ish Dream/Chamber Pop. Just so so good.
- Savages – Silence Yourself [Matador] – Plenty has been written about this record. For me it brings up good Siouxsie/Catherine Wheel-ish memories
- Rudimental – Home [Warner UK] / Disclosure – Settle [Island] / Empire of the Sun – Ice on the Dune [EMI Australia] – These three seemed to scratch the same itch for me. Dancey-housey-80sy but not dumb.
- The Mavericks – In Time [Sanctuary] – I will never not love Raul Malo’s voice, and I’m happy they’re back.
- Caitlin Canty – Golden Hour [self-released] – Classic intimate girl-with-guitar coffeeshop stuff. She has a project with Peter Bradley Adams called Down Like Silver which I love, too.
- Joseph Tawadros (with Bela Fleck, Richard Bona, James Tawadros) – Chameleons of the White Shadow [self-released] – Bluegrass and so much more
- Soft Location – Fools [self-released] – Kinda Kate Bush-y
Electronic and Shoegaze
- Emika – DVA [Ninja Tune] – LOVE this / Maya Jane Coles – Comfort [I/AM/ME] – Another pair of albums that feel similar to me. They’re both dark electronica, though Emika is more explicitly gothy and MJC has more of a trip-hop edge (and a track with Tricky on guest vocals).
- Locust – You’ll be Safe Forever [Mego] Dark and IDMy but with a distinctly warm, organic crunch
- Jon Hopkins – Immunity [Domino] – Every album he’s released has been on my top 10. This beautiful, broken cinematic half-loud half-quiet masterpiece is his best yet
- Minilogue – Blomma [Cocoon] – One disc of FSOL-y/Underworldy proggy dance music (with LONG tracks), One disc of epic slow chillout stuff. Each apparently improvised and recorded in a single take. Delicious
- Sigur Ros – Kveikur [XL] – A welcome return to form, after the meanderings of the last two. Also closer to Jonsi’s solo stuff than most of their other works.
- Joseph Trapanese – TRON: Uprising [Disney] – Obviously not as stellar as the Daft Punk Tron:Legacy score, but a fulfilling followup.
- C2C – Tetra [Mercury] The first album from the turntablist and DMC winners reminds me a lot of people like Soulwax, The Avalanches and Basement Jaxx
- Minilogue – Endlessness EP – More long tracks with lovely samples that are never tiring
- Olafur Arnalds – For Now I Am Winter [Mercury Classics/Decca]
- Rhian Sheehan – Stories from Elsewhere [Darla] – This one wins my ‘epic cinematic ambient/post-rock with strings’ award that i usually give to Hammock (their release this year was disappointing to me)
- Message to Bears – Maps
- Ben Lukas Boysen – Gravity [Ad Noiseam] – Also known as industrial noisemaker Hecq. Gurgly dark underwater stuff.
- Main – Ablation [Editions Mego] – Creepiest ambient I’ve heard in awhile and a welcome return for Mr. Hampson
Hip-Hop and R&B and Jazz
- Janelle Monae – The Electric Lady [Bad Boy/Atlantic] – Leaves her first record (which I was not impressed by) in the dust
- Oddisee – The Beauty In All [Mello Music]
- Talib Kweli – Prisoner of Conscious
- Eldar Djangirov Trio – Breakthrough [Motema]