This Unruly Body

This unruly body

shows the scars of invisibility

stores retaliations too dangerous to speak

attempts to numb instead of feel

to translate dismissal into love

when feeling was too dangerous

and I was in the way


This unruly body

elicits strong feelings

a thing to be contended with

the disgust with the pity mask

the discomfort with the worry mask

the problem and the problem

too much seen-ness

to be less is to be better

doctor’s orders


This unruly body

strength and resilience

shield, sword and hearth

my home and my shelter

a reminder of what I survive

contains all of this


This unruly body

warm and engulfing

strong, sturdy, solid, sexy

source of comfort and pleasure

a smile, a squeeze, a moan

loved and seen

and seen and seen and seen


(Inspired by Roxanne Gay’s project Unruly Bodies)

On “The System”

This is your regular reminder that the culture war we are experiencing (with body count and all) is bought and paid for by the wealthiest class as a way to distract from them draining the country and the planet in order to overfill their coffers.

They own the media shaping people’s minds and opinions on both sides, they own (and sometimes are) the politicians. They are defining “normal” and “acceptable” and it’s all nonsense, and that nonsense kills people.

I am well aware that my presentation to most of the world (a fair-skinned male-bodied bearded bespectacled lefty-leaning person with a long-term exclusive opposite-sex partner, amongst other “normal” signifiers) affords me some cultural advantages that my fellow non-straight and otherwise atypical folks do not enjoy.

I do my best to use those traits to raise the voices of those who do not have that visibility rather than to bloviate about issues that may otherwise affect me.

I do this not for any sense of credit or ego, but because lived experience will always be more relevant and important than even the most compassionate speech by those not in as many positions of marginalization.

I’m pretty open about my identity in how I present to the world. I am a Queer person (which to me, defines a worldview as much as anything else). I am not a straight person. Ever more relevantly, I’m Jewish.  My relationship is not traditional in many ways, though it is absolutely committed.

What I do know is that “Normal” feels super oppressive to me, rather than something I identify with. The prevailing culture is so toxic to intentionality, compassion, generosity, inclusion and wholeness and actively suppresses those things with violence and manipulation of narrative. It hurts women (cis and otherwise) especially, men in different ways and affords very little room for others along the spectrum.

Whenever possible, I strive to reject this “normalcy,” and avoid it.  I am very much aware that I have the privilege to do so.

So what are some small things can we do in addition to the political acts of resistance we must take as people with privilege?  What can we do as compassionate individuals desiring of a more whole human experience for all that is not afforded us by how things are right now? How can we move the needle?

Here are a few basic things.  Fuck with the system. Make people uncomfortable. Make out in public. Hold hands with two people (don’t block the sidewalk).  If you’re male-bodied / identified, hug your male friends without slapping them on the back.  Be kind and uncompromising to individuals and merciless to systems and groups. Shut up and listen.

It’s even more radical, these days.

Jeremy’s Top Albums of 2017

Airlands – So Much To Keep (Self-released)
ASC – Trans-Neptunian Objects (Auxiliary) – ASC keeps putting out wonderful dark spacey ambient and I keep adding it to my top lists. He’s very prolific, so this was basically just the first one I listened to.
Ben Lukas Boysen & Sebastien Plano – Everything (Soundtrack) (Erased Tapes) – A soundtrack to a game about literally everything. Somber and overwhelmingly lovely.
Bicep – Bicep (Ninja Tune) – Artificial Intelligence-style club music.
Casey Dienel – Imitation of a Woman To Love (Paddle Your Own Canoe Society) – Singer of White Hinterland’s solo debut, not so different from the WH stuff.
Feed Me – Feed Me’s Existential Crisis (Mau5trap Recordings) – Just a bunch of electro-house bangers
David Fray – Chopin: Piano Works (Erato/Warner Classics) – Gorgeously produced impeccably played versions of some of my favorite piano music.
Goldfrapp – Silver Eye (Mute) – You know, just another album of dark synthpop to poke my inner goth.
GQ – E 14th (Jamla) – Literate slightly political boom bap hip-hop produced by 9th Wonder.
Grails – Chalice Hymnal (Temporary Residence) – Wall of sound post-rock, very melodic and soundtrack-y.
Jeremy Enigk – Ghosts (Lewis Hollow Records) – Finally some Fire Theft-type output from the SDRE frontman
Julien Baker – Turn Out The Lights (Matador) – Julien bleeds her heart out onto an album and offers it up to you, teary-eyed and hopeless.  Plus strings.  Jeff Buckley vibes.
Matthäus – Effigy (Ears And Eyes) Pretty electronic-tinged chamber pop is basically my cryptonite.
Partner – In Search Of Lost Time (You’ve Changed Records) – The best wryly funny Canadian queer indie rock album of 1994 except, you know, came out this year.
Peter Bradley Adams – A Face Like Mine (Self-Released) – One of like three guy-with-guitar artists that pretty much shortcut to my feels.
Rainer Maria – Rainer Maria (Polyvinyl) – The best indie grungey shoegaze album of 1992, except, you know… came out this year.  A welcome return.
Starsailor – All This Life (Cooking Vinyl) – Another welcome return
Stumbleine – Static Bloom (Self-Released) – Slightly Burial-y atmospheric house.
SW. – The Album (Sued / Apollo)
Ten Walls – Queen (Runemark)
Úlfur Eldjárn – The Aristokrasia Project (One of the members of the Apparat Organ Quartet which is exactly as weird as it sounds makes 
Waaktaar & Zoe – World of Trouble (Drabant Music) – The main dude from a-ha and the daughter of Jimmy Gnecco from Ours make lovely pop together)


Singles and EPs and such:

Sasha – Scene Delete Remixes 3 (Late Night Tales) – Plaid remixes can do no wrong in my book, even if I’ve always found Sasha to be boring.
SubtractiveLAD – Ritual (n5MD)
SUMS – SUMS (Berlin Atonal) – Side project of Barry from Mogwai and Kangding Ray
Lamb – Illumina (Self-Released) – Always look forward to more from this duo.
Nine Inch Nails – Add Violence EP (Nothing)

Jeremy’s Top Albums of 2016

Central Industrial – Flaring Blue in a Timeless Space (Samurai Music Group): Music for exploring an abandoned steampunk spaceship that may or may not be haunted but probably is haunted
Clarke:Hartnoll – 2square (VeryRecords): Half of Erasure and half of Orbital do electro-house and tribute the moment when rave turned into trance
Lone – Levitate (R&S): If rave music never died
The Kills – Ash & Ice (Domino): They’re back! With hooks!
Ocean Wisdom – Chaos (High Focus Records): Clever as hell Eminemy double-time raps over sludgy grime beats make this a hugely impressive debut)
Aesop Rock – The Impossible Kid (Rhymesayers): I always forget how much I love this dude.  Nerdy woke personal stories, internal rhyme schemes, RTJ-y production.
St Lucia – Matter (Columbia): Every year it seems like I have a shiny 80sy production-based pop record on my list. This is this years, from the producer of HAERTS which was on my list last year
Luke Howard – Two Places (Lukktone): Sad Jazz plus loopy stuff = solid rainy day tunes)
The Veils – Total Depravity (Nettwerk): Grimy dirty rock/boogie with a hint of electronics)
Maxwell – blackSUMMERS’night (Columbia): Was never much of a fan of his, but this is gorgeous. Especially wonderful on vinyl.
Plaid – The Digging Remedy (Warp): As usual, the first track on a Plaid album is the most interesting. The rest is up to their top quality of warm melodic playful IDM
Shearwater – Jet Plane and Oxbow (Sub Pop): Shearwater’s albums (other than their covers one) are always on my top albums list. If you like them you will like this.  This is why I am not a record reviewer by trade.

Singles and EPs
theremynt – vampiros discos (Neopren): Dd-elicious italo-electro-disco goodness
el perro del mar – dream baby dream (one of the most gorgeous covers of a Suicide song evar)
Phaeleh – All That Remains (Self-released) (Burial-ish melancholic beats and post-rock sounds with nils frahm-ish piano)

Album I still can’t bring myself to listen to even though I’m sure it’s amazing:
Bowie – Blackstar